What I Have Learned

I have learned so much these last two weeks. I withdrew my children from the charter school that they were in. We attempted Connections Academy, and it is not what I expected. Turns out that the support isn't as big as I thought it would be, unless of course I was on the phone with the teacher all day.

I don't feel like we gave the school much time to see if it would work for us, but ya know we tried and it just isn't right for us at this time. We were doing "school" for 7 to 8 hours a day and we were still behind on lessons.

So here is what I have learned,

• timing is everything. I guess I was so caught up in trying to do what is best for my two oldest children that I forgot that I still needed to give my time and attention to my three other children ages 5 and younger. So, maybe in the future I can try again. But, next time I will know better what to expect.
• I may feel like I want or need my children home, but they really do need some things that I just can't offer them at this time. And that is okay.
• During this transition of homeschooling to going back to school it has really made me reflect on what I want my family to be like. I would like to expand on this thought.

At times, I feel like Heavenly Father is prompting me to do something so I go forward and do it. And then later it just doesn't feel right. This doesn't mean that my feeling was incorrect or that I was just imagining it up. I know what I felt. However I do feel that God is in full control. This thought from C.S. Lewis helps explain what I'm feeling:

Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what he is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised.
But presently he starts knocking the house that in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is he up to? The explanation is that he is building quite a different house from the one you thought of-throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards.
You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but he is building up a palace.

Maybe Heavenly Father knew just what I needed to get my head to think a little differently and one of the ways to get me to see a situation differently was to put me in a situation that will help me change, knock out a few walls, so new ones can be built.

From this situation I started to think, "What if I only had two more years with my family, how would I want them to remember me? How do I want to treat them? What do I want to teach them about how a family should be?"

I don't think I am where I want to be. I want to be the kind of mom that really listens to her kids. Not just nod my head and say uh huh. I want to say "yes" more than "no", and why not, if one can say yes then do it. I think my natural response is no.

I want to be the kind of mom that has the kind of relationship with my kids where we can talk about anything.

I want to have the kind of home that feels safe.

Before I was married, I was asked the question, "what kind of home do you want to have?" My response was, "I want to live in a home that is filled with respect and love." I think I am mostly there. I have to laugh, because growing up that was one of my trade marks. I had and still have a talent of making sure that if you are around me you will show respect. I will not allow disrespect.

It has been nice re-evaluating my life and my family situation.

I have also found that I am ready for the next stage in life. If I don't have any more children I am okay with that. I love babies but I feel at peace having 5 children.

So maybe in a few years I will think about homeschooling yet again, but until then I will enjoy my younger children while the others are at school.

Oh I should probably mention that I found a Montessori school. E and D have gone for two days now. E says it is strange and D loves it so far.

FEAR

Wow!! E has been accepted to Connections Academy. Assessment test is done for D. Paperwork is all faxed in tonight. That means... we will be a homeschooling family in one and a half to two weeks from now.

I have so many mixed emotions about it. I know I need to get my kids schooling at home. I know this. However, I am worried that I will not be strict enough with them to get the schooling done each day. At first I will probably be overly strict, then I might be too lax, then I hope I am able to find middle ground.

I have a really good feeling deep down that,

1. we will be a closer family
2. we will learn over time how to manage our time better

I feel like right now we struggle because we get up in the morning just in time to get the kids dressed, fed and out the door. Then the kids come home, we get what we need to get accomplished, we fight about homework (not every night, but all too often), we eat dinner, read scriptures, and jump into bed. (We are usually fight with the girls to stay in bed.) I feel like we try and we want to be good, but we fight with the kids too much because we are tired and stressed with what is going on around us.

I feel like homeschooling will still be stressful, but I feel like it will be a different type stress. One that we can take on better, over time.

A New Light

This past weekend I attended a barbecue and while there visited with a friend who has 5 children and her youngest is now in High School. She homeschooled for a while and then put them back in school. Through the years they were enrolled in public, charter and other types of schools. I thought she would be a good resource to bounce ideas off of.

She said something during our conversation that really got me thinking. I have been so stressed about curriculum and being able to figure out what to teach my children.

She said, "I am an idea person." This really made me think. It's great that she is an idea person, she can come up with lots of ideas and she loves it. I on the other hand love to copy, I may tweak it a bit, but I love to see what others do and just follow suit. And that is okay, because we are all so different and that is what makes the world a wonderful place. If we were all the same how boring would that be?

So, after she said these wonderful words, I got to thinking. Why do I want to homeschool my kids? Why did this idea start anyways? What is the purpose for taking them out of school?

My main purpose for keeping my kids home is that I want them close, I feel that they can do their best learning here at home where they feel safe, where they don't have to worry about other kids teasing, judging, being mean physically or emotionally. Now I know that this is part of growing up. And I am sure that they will get all of this at church, in the neighborhood or even with activities outside the home.

I have decided to either go with Connections Academy or K12. They are a public schools that come to your home virtually. They equip you with all of the supplies needed to teach classes at home on the computer. I know I was opposed to this before but, after thinking about who I am I feel this will be best for my kids. They will be home and will be taught and if I see they are struggling in something I will be able to bring it to the attention of the teachers and they will accommodate the child. At this point I feel this is the best option.

I will be making a decision between these two schools and after I will enroll D. If he does well, I will probably pull E out. E will be able to work more solo but I know that I will have to help D out more until he gets older. It feels good to have made this decision.

Discouragement

I am feeling discouraged, I am feeling like if I keep the kids home they will miss out on so much that I know I will not be able to provide.

But then I think of the attention they could get from me, attention that only I can give. For instance. D is having a really hard time with Math, spelling, reading. So, his teacher sent home a few worksheets for him to do at home that he wasn't able to finnish at school. I sat down with him and he tried to do the math problems with a number line, ya know where if you are adding then you count ahead and if you are subtracting then you count back. The poor kid just can't seem to understand it. He understands that you need to jump forward or backwards at the appropriate time, he just doesn't understand that you need to start counting on the next number. So, we have some cute bug clips that I pulled out for him to count. He did this and he didn't like it but it seemed that it started to click better in his brain.

You see he is a wiggly willy kind of guy and he needs to be able to touch and learn with that sense. When he is given a sheet of paper with 100 problems on it, it is so overwhelming that he just wants to cry and he did cry. So, I feel that as his Mom I would be able to see that it is just too much for him. Not that he shouldn't do 100 problems but he needs it broken up more. He can do a worksheet with maybe 10 or 15 problems and then maybe a game or activity that has him figure out math problems, and then he could even do math games on the computer. And in reality he could be doing more than 100 problems, but they are FUN!! And then once he gets the hang of math, then I could give him math sheets that have more math problems on them.

In all reality homeschooling sounds great, but I wonder if I will be able to keep up, I wonder if I will want to spend all the time needed to teach.

I need to pull myself out of this rut, I know I can do this. I feel that it is what my kids need, it just seems so overwhelming.

Wiggly Willy???

I am still reading the book, 100 Top Picks For Homeschool Curriculum, and the section I am on helps you figure out what kind of kids you have and what kind of parent you are.

She has 4 types:

1. Wiggly Willy
2. Perfect Paula
3. Competent Carl
4. Sociable Sue

It is so funny I came out to be very much a Wiggly Willy and partly a Perfect Paula. I thought for sure that I would be a Perfect Paula all the way.

Wiggly Willy is a kinesthetic learner. That makes sense that I learn better with my senses. But they go on to say that a wiggly willy needs to move around a lot and that they need to have checkpoints or lists to ensure that they stay on task. Hmmm, now that I write this it does make sense. I really do have a problem staying on task or finishing a project. I think that is one reason and a big reason why I am so afraid of homeschooling. I could see myself letting school go to the wayside.

However I had the thought the other day. 'Heavenly Father has so much faith in me that he knows I can do this.' I may not have that faith in myself but he does and at this point that is all that matters. I will just need lots of lists and checkpoints!!

I guess to make this right I feel like I need to put the numbers of how I scored.

• Wiggly Willy: 7/8
• Perfect Paula: 5/9
• Competent Carl: 1 1/2/10
• Sociable Sue: 3/8

I had Matt take the test and he was very well rounded.

• Wiggly Willy:4/8
• Perfect Paula: 6/9
• Competent Carl: 5/10
• Sociable Sue: 3/8

Then we read what the kids could be:

Our 8 year old E: Perfect Paula and I said a little Wiggly Willy

Our 6 year old D: Competent Carl and I said Wiggly Willy

Our 5 year old A: Sociable Sue and I also thought she has Wiggly Willy in her

Our 3 year old J: Because of his age he is going to be Wiggly Willy

So now I am on to reading about what is the best learning styles for these different personalities. This is such a long process and this has been a very busy week.

Looking For Curriculum

I've found another book that I like a lot better then the one I spoke of on the previous post. The book I've been reading is called, 100 Top Picks for Homeschool Curriculum By: Cathy Duffy.
I am amazed at what I am learning in this book. It has tests and questions that help me figure out what I like. Because otherwise I really don't know what I like. Or should I say I know what I like I just don't know how to put it into words.

So, a test that I recently took and had my husband take is "Which Approach to Education Should I Use?" They ask questions of what you would prefer in ways to teach your children. These are the names of the different approaches to teaching.

1. Traditional
2. Charlotte Mason
3. Classical
4. Unit Study
5. Unschooling
6. Independent Study
7. Eclectic
8. Umbrella Program

I am sure that you could find and learn about these online.

I have found that I really don't like the traditional style. It would be like schooling your children at home but doing it in a way as if they were still at public school, just without the big classroom. It could totally work for some. Just not for me.

I have found that I really like the Charlotte Mason way of teaching. I love it! I can't go into detail right now of what it is all about. I also haven't read in detail all of the other ways of schooling. By taking the test it shows that I prefer Charlotte Mason first and Unit Study second. I haven't read about it yet but I think I might only like unit study just because I am terrified to teach on my own at this point.
My husband scored highest with Charlotte Mason and Classical. So I am glad that we are on the same page.
This is exciting!

How Do I Get Started?

I think so far my biggest problem is knowing where to start. What are the laws?

I asked friends who homeschool what I need to do. Do they have any advice?

I did not get the answers I thought I would. Some of the answers I got was,

"Oh, you will do great!"

"You are such and good mother, you will find your way!"

"Oh, that is the best decisions you could make! Good job."

I don't think they heard me when I asked, "How do I get started? Where do I go to find curriculum? What is the best curriculum you've found?"

However I e-mailed an old friend who sent some great websites to me.

One that I really like lays it all out with questions and answers, I just feel like I can't get enough of this site.

So, curriculum? So far I am looking at 3 different ideas.

First there is Connections Academy, I like this but I am wondering how much time I want my kids on the computer.

Second I found K12, here is another one that they use the computer a lot.

I like both of these because it is not just me teaching, it is not ALL on MY shoulders.

However the one I am leaning towards is A2 it is low cost and it is old school learning.

After I found these three different 'schools'. I found a book through this web site. The book is called, The Way They Learn by Cynthia Ulrich Tobias. I just started reading it and I love it already! This book will teach you how to get to know your child/ren, and how to best teach them. I think this will help a lot with knowing how they can best learn.

Something else I have felt has been somewhat of a challenge is, Changing My State of Mind. I can't just be here for them if they get hurt of if they have a question that needs to be answered or if they are fighting and they need me to protect them. I am their mother and I need to be their teacher, not just with school things but all things in life, I am their main teacher. Well, my husband and I. I never really looking at parenthood like that. So now I am working on changing how I look at being a mother. As I am making this change I find that I really like my kids and I really want to know what they are thinking and how they are really feeling. That when they want to talk to me I stop what I am doing and I really listen. I am sure that I will not be able to do this all of the time but I will am willing to try and make this change.

It is exciting!